How to Help Your Child With Separation Anxiety (Six Things To Try)
Does your child cling to you when you drop them off in the morning? Do they throw tantrums when you have to leave the house? If so, they may be experiencing separation anxiety.
We understand it can be painful to separate from your child when they’re showing signs of distress and anxiety. In this article, we’ll explore what separation anxiety is and how you can help your child navigate these feelings.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety occurs when young children feel distressed or anxious upon being separated from a parent or guardian. It’s a common phase for many infants and toddlers, and kids typically start to grow out of it by age 2 or 3.
Separation anxiety usually starts when a child is around 8 months old. You may notice they start crying more when you leave them alone. By the age of 3, many children understand that even when parents leave, they’re going to come back, which helps ease their separation anxiety.
However, for some children, separation anxiety continues and can turn into separation anxiety disorder. This disorder occurs when a child’s symptoms of separation anxiety are more pronounced than what’s expected for their age.
Let’s take a closer look at some of the symptoms of separation anxiety disorder and how you can help a child overcome them.
What are signs my child has separation anxiety?
One of the best ways to help a child with separation anxiety disorder is to identify the symptoms early. Separation anxiety disorder symptoms can include:
Tantrums when separated from a parent
Extreme panic when a parent leaves the room or house
Excessive anxiety before an upcoming separation from a parent
Clinging to a parent and refusing to leave their side even when home
Difficulty falling asleep alone in the child’s room
Nightmares related to separation from parent
Physical complaints such as headache or stomach ache ahead of separation
Constant worrying about the safety of parents or themselves
What causes children to have separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety disorder can be caused by a number of factors including life stresses, family history and situational issues.
Life stresses such as moving to a new home or starting a new school can trigger separation anxiety. It’s important to take time to listen to your child and provide them with the support they need during these transitions.
A family history of anxiety disorders can increase the likelihood that a child will have separation anxiety disorder. Keep in mind that children are sensitive to their parents' emotions, so a parent showing signs of distress or anxiety could influence a child to behave that way as well.
Helping Your Child With Their Separation Anxiety: Six Things to Try
When a child experiences separation anxiety, it can be taxing on everyone in the family. Here are some routines and tricks you can try to help ease your child’s separation anxiety.
1. Establish a routine.
A consistent daily routine can help separations feel more manageable to a child since they know what to expect. Try setting daily times for naps, meals, errands and bedtime. When you do need to depart from a routine, let your child know in advance so they have time to prepare and you can answer any questions they have.
2. Start with short separations.
Start by separating from your child for very short periods. For example, go to the gas station to fill up your car while leaving your child with a caretaker. Leaving for short amounts of time and then coming back when you told your child you’d be back can help them develop confidence that you’ll return.
3. Establish a goodbye ritual.
A short and sweet goodbye ritual can help your child understand it’s time for you to go but that you’ll be back soon. Keep the ritual positive and fun so your child associates the goodbye with happy feelings. Examples could include a silly handshake or kisses on both cheeks.
4. Encourage your child to participate socially.
Support your child in forming new friendships and trying new activities. These bonds will help your child build healthy relationships with others and may ease their attachment to parents.
Nurture friendships by hosting playdates for your child or registering them for an after-school program.
5. Hire a long-term caregiver.
When possible, it’s a good idea to keep one primary caregiver, whether that’s a babysitter or a nanny. This will help build consistency in your child’s life and can provide them comfort while you’re away because they know they’re spending time with a familiar face.
6. Seek professional help
A child psychologist will be able to distinguish between general separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder. A child may be diagnosed with separation anxiety disorder if they’ve shown symptoms for more than four weeks in a row. Your child’s psychologist will also be able to suggest the best course of treatment for your child.
Other Resources to Explore
Here are a few additional resources that may help you care for a child with separation anxiety.
Developmental milestones: Learning about developmental milestones and common social and cognitive behaviors by age group can help you understand what’s considered “normal” as your child ages. Understanding these milestones better could help you identify symptoms of separation anxiety and seek help early.
Building a relationship with your child’s teacher: Getting to know your child’s teacher is a great way to address your child’s separation anxiety. You can explain the situation to your child’s teacher and come up with a joint plan for caring for your child. This may include your teacher helping with a transition plan for drop-offs to make sure your child is comfortable.
Access the support you need: The Family Resource Navigator can help connect you with the right social, economic and health resources for your family.
Find quality child care: Quality child care providers are experienced in dealing with children with separation anxiety. Finding the right program for your child will bring you peace of mind knowing they’re in a healthy and safe environment where they can thrive while you’re apart. Learn more about child care options in Indiana.